Continued..But not as expected

So I've been meaning to continue since my last blog. However, and sadly life changes took place and I have not been up to writing about this until now.
My mom passed away three weeks ago today. I have to say after loosing my dad, and all of my grandparents there is nothing, and I mean nothing as loosing your mother. My emotions have been up and down, and all around.
I suffer from (not sure if I have already spoken of this) anxiety disorder. It is a horrible thing to have to live with, however, I had overcome so much of it. I think with mom passing it was like I expected it to come back. Sure enough I have been having bad anxiety/panic attacks. So I had to pay my Doc a visit the other day. He changed my medicines up a bit, and so far so good. I do not start one of them until later today so we will see how that works out.
I have to say all of my life I felt I always gave so much to everyone around me, and anytime I was in need (so I thought) I felt that these same people should have been giving back to me. Boy was I wrong. God has everything planned and this I believe. He sure knows what he is doing and I will argue that with anyone who wishes to. As I was saying though I just thought the times I was in need of these others to give back to me that I really needed them to. Mom passed away suddenly and unexpectantly, and sadly she had no insurance. She had already bought a plot to be buried next to my grandparents, but no insurance to help cover funeral cost. My sister and I felt we wanted to have a very nice funeral, and so we picked out a beautiful casket, etc. While picking it out we truly had no ideal how we was about to pay for this, but we knew we would get a game plan together before it was said and done with. Sadly the funeral home had no payment plan, etc. So with that being said I have to say I found that moment in my life when the ones around me gave back. There were so many wonderful people who donated money to us to help cover the cost. Some of these people I did not even know, some I did. But to each and every single one of them I feel I could NEVER in a million years pay them back for the blessing they brought into my life at that given moment and beyond. Greatly this left us with only half of the funeral bill to pay. My aunt & uncle paid on it, and sister and I. It was such a blessing.
More on moms funeral though. She had a beautiful casket that was off white lined with pink. She loved pink. She was buried in a beautiful outfit that my cousin took my sister and I to pick out, and she paid for it. Bless her for this also. Everyone was so wonderful to us.
We was really confused with songs to play as mom always joked around about some rock songs if she ever passed. Now laughing out load I have to say she knew we would not play those songs. My cousin Misty brought to my attention a day before the funeral of a song called "Sissys song" by Alan Jackson. If you have never heard this song check it out on youtube.com as it is a beautiful song. So we ended up with a great preacher, the main song being "When I get where Im going" by Brad Paisley, and "Amazing Grace" by Trent Tomlinson, and "Sissys Song" by Alan Jackson. The funeral was beautiful. I was so proud of it.

So with this being said, I was suppose to start training on a new job the day mom passed away. I called and wrote the guy over the training and he was a bit rude about it, but since I have spoken with my original recruiter and I have to laugh that she and I play phone tag as I have been so busy getting things straightened out with moms bills, money, etc. My sister and I both have been busy busy with it. But for my recruiter I will be talking to her today and I cannot wait to see what she has to offer me, and I am so ready to get back to work and stay busy.

As far as my mother I will be writing more soon. I adored this lady so much, and it still seems to unreal she is flew onto heaven. The day she passed was so hard, and devastating not only because she was gone, but the way we was treated by the E.R. staff that morning.
But my friends I am off to get a little rest for now, and I will be sharing more soon.
Thank you all, God bless you, and always tell the ones you love that you love them as we never know when it could be too late.